How Do I Fix It?

by Mark Gungor

• -“Pastor, I had an affair and am trying to restore my marriage but even after three years, things still are still really difficult. What can we do to make things right again?”
• –“ I was so busy with raising children and I didn’t have much time for sex but now that we’re empty nesters my husband isn’t really interested in pursuing our sex life. How do we get back to the way it used to be?”
• –“My wife was sexually active with other guys before we married and it has really impacted our life now. What can we do to overcome her past?”
• –“I divorced and remarried a man who was also previously married and we are having issues dealing with the blending of our two families. How can we make this work and just be a normal family?”

These are all questions typical of requests for help that I hear. What they, and so many others, are really asking is, “How can we fix it and make it like it used to be?” People are looking for the solution that will erase the consequences of actions or events so that everything will go back to the way it was before.

One of the things that I do a lot is warn people rather than supplying solutions. “Don’t do this. Don’t go there. Stop it!” There are things you can do to help improve such situations or deal with these kinds of consequences in your marriage, but they are more patches than solutions. That’s why I spend more time warning people not to go to hell than I do helping them try to find an air conditioner once they get there!

Can One Partner Make a Difference?

happy FOUR MONTHS!!

Kimberly has a problem. Her marriage to Carl is in bad shape, but Carl won’t discuss it or help repair it. Can Kim do anything that will make a difference?

Usually, positive change requires joint action. So, if one marriage partner doesn’t want improvement, what can the other partner do? More than you think. In most damaged marriages, healing begins when one mate sees the possibility of healing and starts the process.

Are you that person? Will you be the one who lets healing begin? It isn’t easy, and there is no guarantee that your partner will change, but your efforts will still make a positive difference.

As you work for healing in your marriage, guard against destructive attitudes. Like outlaws, they gang up on weak, hurting people. Here’s a short description of each gang member so you’ll recognize them:

Self-pity

It hurts, really hurts, when your spouse rejects you and your desire for improvement. Be honest about your pain, but reject self-pity.

Who Holds the Cup?

Matthew 26 - New King James Version (NKJV)

The Prayer in the Garden

36 Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, “Sit here while I go and pray over there.” 37 And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. 38 Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.”

39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

40 Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What! Could you not watch with Me one hour? 41 Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

42 Again, a second time, He went away and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless[e] I drink it, Your will be done.” 43 And He came and found them asleep again, for their eyes were heavy.

44 So He left them, went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words. 45 Then He came to His disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand.”

John 18:11 - New King James Version (NKJV)  So Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword into the sheath. Shall I not drink the cup which My Father has given Me?”

"Baffled by the mystery of such love, we take our stand on Calvary and believe that any cup we drink is held to our lips by the Father of fathomless love and wisdom. Our prayer is that of trustful submission because we believe that even life's most bitter cup is held in the Father's hand." - Vernon Grounds

Death & the curse were in our cup

O Christ, 'twas full for Thee!

But Thou hast drained the last dark drop-

'Tis empty now for me.

Cousin

"We learn the lesson of trust in the school of trial"

TED Talks: What you don't know about marriage

MARCH

1. The name of March comes from ancient Rome, when March was the first month of the year and named Martius after Mars or Ares, the Greek god of war.
2. March starts on the same day of the week as November every year and February in common years only.
3. March ends on the same day of the week as June every year.
4. In leap years, March starts on the same day as September and December of the previous year.
5. In common years, March starts on the same day as June of the previous year.
6. March's birthstones are aquamarine and bloodstone. These stones mean courage.
7. Its birth flower is the Daffodil

Don’t Marry, Be Happy

by Mark Gungor

 I know that it seems like odd advice for a marriage speaker to give. But what I really mean by it is pretty simple. If you think marriage will make you happy, you are sorely mistaken. Don’t marry someone with the idea that it’s going to make you happy. When either one or both spouses head into a marriage with this thinking, it creates some of the most miserable couples out there.

Can you be happy in marriage? Absolutely. But the people who are successful and happy in their marriages are not happy because they are married. It isn’t the marriage or the person they are married to that makes them happy. They are happy and fulfilled in life apart from their marriage.

The reality is if you are looking for a man or a woman to make you happy, if you are looking to marriage for happiness, you are barking up the wrong tree. The answer to your happiness isn’t marriage. The answer isn’t another person. Some of the loneliest and most unhappy people on the planet are those with wedding rings on. Sad, but true.

All of the romance novels, chick flicks and TV shows sell the lie that the real answer to finding contentment is to find a man or woman to make you happy, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Here is what I say about this in my book Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage: A successful marriage is not the result of two empty souls finding each other in an attempt to “complete” each other. Two empty, unfulfilled souls who get married will just be a marriage of two empty, unfulfilled souls.

BIG 5 Personality Test

Here are the five personality traits, how you scored on them and what that may mean for you.

Extraversion is characterized by positive emotions, surgency, and the tendency to seek out stimulation and the company of others. The trait is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extraverts enjoy being with people, and are often perceived as full of energy.

Your rating for extraversion is 3.5. The average person is 0.1 less points extraverted than you.

Agreeableness is a tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others. The trait reflects individual differences in general concern for social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others.

Your rating for agreeableness is 3.9. The average person is 0.1 less points agreeable than you.

Conscientiousness is a tendency to show self-discipline, act dutifully, and aim for achievement against measures or outside expectations. The trait shows a preference for planned rather than spontaneous behavior. It influences the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses.

Your rating for conscientiousness is 2.2. The average person is 1.5 more points conscientious than you.

Neuroticism is the tendency to experience negative emotions, such as anger, anxiety, or depression. It is sometimes called emotional instability. Those who score high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive and vulnerable to stress.

Your rating for neuroticism is 3.4. The average person is 0.7 less points neurotic than you.

Openness is a general appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas, imagination, curiosity, and variety of experience. People who are open to experience are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. They tend to be, compared to closed people, more creative and more aware of their feelings. They are more likely to hold unconventional beliefs.

Your rating for openness is 3.7. The average person is 0.6 less points open to experience than you.

Four is Better than Two

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up [Official Music Video]

VISA

28 February 2012