life in technicolor..

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up [Official Music Video]

2012-02-18T22:10:00.001+08:00

VISA

2012-02-17T17:27:00.001+08:00

Control Is Not a Four-Letter Word

2012-02-15T09:03:00.000+08:00

Control is not a bad word. It’s not a bad thing. Yet in our culture today, people treat it as is if it is a cuss word. Many think it’s a horrible insult and freak out when someone accuses them of trying to control something. Frankly, I just don’t understand it.

Here is a scenario to help illustrate what I’m talking about: A wife is texting and emailing very personal, sexually charged and inappropriate things back and forth with a guy from work. She is also meeting this guy alone for coffee and lunch. When her husband talks to her and challenges her on this, she fires back, “You can’t tell me who I can be friends with and what I can and can’t do! You are just trying to control me!” And then he feels bad and backs down.

Or maybe it’s a husband who goes out drinking and partying with his friends several nights a week till the wee hours of dawn and when his wife confronts him, he shouts ”You are a control freak! You can’t tell me when I can come and go in my own house!” Then she thinks she’s wrong and just lets it go because she surely doesn’t want to be controlling. Are you kidding me?!

I am stunned at how many people in bad marriages just shut up and empower the other person because they fear the charge of being a controller. Whenever you have a badly behaving spouse, there is always an enabler who is weak and insecure and all the badly behaving spouse has to do is accuse the weaker one of being controlling, jealous or insecure, and they win.

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Valentine's Day Quotes

2012-02-14T10:45:00.000+08:00

Huffington Post

"Each moment of a happy lover's hour is worth an age of dull and common life." -Aphra Behn
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." -Dr. Seuss
"Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." -Robert Heinlein
"The art of love... is largely the art of persistence." -Albert Ellis
"For you see, each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow." -Rosemonde Gerard
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." -Judy Garland
"If I could be anything in the world I would want to be a teardrop because I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips." -Author Unknown
"Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence." -Vincent van Gogh
"A life without love is like a year without summer." -Swedish Proverb
"Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear." -John Lennon
"A true lover always feels in debt to the one he loves." -Ralph W. Sockman
"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end." -Author Unknown

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Mister Right

2012-02-12T12:19:00.000+08:00

happy THREE MONTHS!!

God always entrusts his treasures to ordinary people. The man I want us to think about today was one. He was a craftsman, a carpenter, but he could have been anything . . . plumber, farmer, shepherd, or even a scholar. His occupation isn’t the important thing. His character is. It’s not what he did, but how he lived that makes him Mister Right.

This man lived at a time when many people used religion as a cosmetic. It was useful for hiding blemishes and giving an imaginary glow of righteousness. But Mister Right had no use for cosmetic religion. He truly believed in God and tried, in every way, to orient his life with God’s commands.

You would have liked him, respected him, and trusted him. I know God did. For he chose this everyday man, this carpenter from Nazareth and Bethlehem, to be husband to Mary, and the guardian of Jesus, the Son of God. Joseph is Mister Right.

As a husband and a father figure, Joseph has much to teach us. Looking at his life in the few verses that describe him, I see why God trusted him with his treasures. I see the kind of man every wife and child needs, and I see the kind of man God makes us, if we’ll let him.

Joseph was fully devoted to God, therefore, a righteous man. (Matthew 1:16ff). That's why Joseph was Mister Right. He centered his life on pleasing God. As I have said so often, to so many groups, it is the center that matters, because your center controls your thoughts, actions, and relationships. So many families suffer because the head of the home disregards God and his Word. So, is pleasing God the center of your life? That is the first step to becoming Mister Right.

Once we have the right center, other good things grow

Faithfulness. Faithful men are reliable, dependable, predictable, and consistent. They make promises carefully and keep the promises they make.
A sense of honor. Matthew tells us that even when Joseph had the legal right to shame Mary, he would not. That’s quite a lesson for those of us who make the slightest offence an excuse for retribution.
Responsiveness. Joseph listened to messages God sent through the angels, and adjusted his plans to God’s plans.
Self-control. Joseph didn’t have sexual relations with Mary until after the birth of Jesus. Yet how many men become sullen, pouting like little children, when, for some good reason, their wives are not sexually available to them?
Humility. It wasn’t all about him. He wasn’t the star, and didn’t need to be.
Support. Joseph was very satisfied with his role. But if they gave awards for the best man in a supporting role, Joseph would win the Oscar. Mary could feel secure with Joseph, knowing she had his full support. Supportive men make secure wives.
Adaptability. Some of us are so rigid. Everything has to be done our way or we become uncooperative. I know two causes for rigidity: pride and fear. Both harden our hearts and make us hard to live with. Joseph had the sense to know that God was doing something greater than his five-year plan, and the wisdom to adapt. I am sure he is not sorry.
Preparation. God trained and prepared Joseph for this extraordinary responsibility. He probably didn’t know it at the time, for his training occurred in everyday ways. You are also in preparation for something bigger than what you know, so pay attention and live with purpose.

No doubt, Joseph was an imperfect man. He had his struggles, but always yielded to God’s will. God always entrusts his treasures to faithful, yet imperfect people.

It is an honor, the greatest honor, when God trusts us with a treasure, and that honor always makes us thankful men. Feeling any other way would be wrong for Mister Right. Like his young wife Mary, he could say, "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. For he who is mighty has done great things, and holy is his name!"

"Father God, thank you for men like Joseph. We acknowledge you as the very center of our lives. Make us right men, living in right ways, for the right reasons, to the honor and glory of your Name. Amen.

Apologies: Because People Aren't Perfect

2012-02-07T15:31:00.000+08:00

by Dr. Gary Chapman

When is the last time you apologized? What did you say or do? Did the person to whom you apologized seem to accept your apology? Did they forgive you? Was the relationship healed? If not, I have an idea as to why they found it hard to forgive you. They did not hear your apology as being sincere.

When someone hurts us and is now trying to apologize, the question in our minds is: are they sincere? We judge sincerity by how they apologize. If they simply say, "I'm sorry," that may seem a bit weak. We may want to hear them say, "I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?" There are five ways to apologize. If you speak only one, you will likely come across as insincere.

Apology 101

Do you know how to apologize? Chances are you do what your parents taught you, but that may not be enough. Dr. Jennifer Thomas and I discovered that people have different ideas on what it means to apologize. In fact there are five languages of apology. If you don't speak the right language you are not likely to have a favorable response.

If you aren't sure how to apologize, consider saying this: "I value our relationship. What do I need to do or say in order for you to consider forgiving me?" Their answer will reveal their 'primary apology language'. Express your apology in that language and will likely receive forgiveness.

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Does your child feel loved?

2012-02-04T15:35:00.000+08:00

by Dr. Gary Chapman

Nearly all parents deeply love their children, yet not all children feel that unconditional love and care. Why this contradiction? Often, parents assume that their kids just "know" they love them, or that saying "I love you" will be enough. But children are behaviorally motivated. They respond to actions-what you do with them. So to reach them, you must love them on their terms.

Sometimes parents don't feel especially loving if they've had a discouraging day. But you can behave in a loving way, because behavior is simple. You can give your love to your children, even when you don't feel loving.

You may wonder if your children can see right through you. Since your children are exquisitely sensitive emotionally, they know when you don't feel loving, and yet they experience your love behaviorally. Don't you think they are even more grateful and appreciative when you're able to be loving, no matter how you feel inside?

It was the apostle John who wrote, "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth" (1 John 3:18). If you began to list all the behavioral ways to love a child, I doubt that you could fill more than one page. That is fine because you want to keep it simple-behavioral expressions of love can simply be divided into five categories: physical touch, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. To uncover your child's love language, visit 5lovelanguages.com.

A word of caution, though. If your child is under age five, don't expect to figure out his primary love language. You can't. The child may give you clues, but his love language is rarely clearly seen. Just speak all five languages because they all converge to meet your child's need for love. If that need is met and your child genuinely feels loved, it will be far easier for him to learn and respond in other areas. This love interfaces with all other needs a child has. Also, speak all five languages when your child is older, for he needs all five to grow, even though he craves one more than the others.

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Automatic vs. Intentional

2012-02-01T19:40:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

When you first start out dating, and then in the early stages of marriage, most of the relationship is automatic. You are running off of emotions and hormones that drive each of you to be nice, be considerate, spend time together, and tend to one another. But eventually, marriage happens, life kicks in, kids come along and things change.

Most people think that the early stages of love—that chemically induced time of bliss and ease—will continue indefinitely. After all, they are “in love” and have found “the one” that will make the rest of their days as euphoric as the honeymoon phase.

But that’s not the way it works. The reality is this automatic phase is short-term (lasting six months to a couple of years) and when it fades away your marriage and your sex life must happen on purpose. You have date night on purpose. You plan to have sex on purpose. You make time for each other on purpose. Couples who don’t make the transition from automatic to intentional have marriages that suffer the most.

This is especially true when you become new parents. Now there is this new little creature that has come into your lives who consumes inordinate amounts of time and energy. Add another child or two and it’s easy to see how the auto-pilot can fly out the window. Couples start to struggle during this season of new responsibility because things aren’t as easy as they once were. They don’t have the time or they are too tired and often this is when husbands and wives will begin to think that the marriage isn’t working, or that it’s over.

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FEBRUARY

2012-02-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

it's a leap year!

February starts on the same day of the week as March and November in common years, and on the same day of the week as August in leap years.
February ends on the same day of the week as October every year and January in common years only.
In leap years, it is the only month that ends on the same weekday it begins.
February was named after the Latin term februum, which means purification, via the purification ritual
Februa held on February 15 (full moon) in the old lunar Roman calendar.
Its birth flower is the violet (Viola (plant)) and the common primrose
Its birthstone is the amethyst. It symbolizes piety, humility, spiritual wisdom, and sincerity

Tim in 'What I Believe'

2012-01-29T22:44:00.001+08:00

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Song Lyrics | Tim Hawkins lyrics

Migrants

2012-01-26T00:30:00.000+08:00

by Diane Constantine

Migrant. Do you consider yourself a migrant? In the narrow UN definition, most of us would not qualify since we are not employed by our adopted country. But in the broader sense of living either temporarily or permanently in a country where we were not born, and having acquired some significant social ties to this county, most of us would qualify. Like the Bible says, we are strangers and aliens in the land of promise.

There are many helpful suggestions for migrants that we may not have taken personally. Whether we are long-time migrants in the country we serve or have just arrived, some common migrant thoughts can trip us up. Here are a few for you to consider:

Comparisons between our native country and our adopted country

Comparisons can be a slippery slope to the blues. Our comparisons may make our native country, with all its perks, seem all good. Then the reverse is true of our adopted country. In this skewed condition, our host country is all bad.

We can start down this slide when the day is exceptionally hot and humid, or when we cannot find our favorite comfort food. Say you live in a place where you cannot get good chocolate, and the stash you brought is depleted. And, its been raining for four days straight. If we don't head it off quickly, we could be in the dungeon of despair by lunchtime.

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8 Myths (and Truths) About Male Authority - 2

2012-01-25T10:17:00.002+08:00

SO WHO ARE WE? 8 TRUTHS ABOUT MALE AUTHORITY

Being real men is not just about gender; it is about spiritual maturity in all areas of life. Therefore, manhood is about our calling and not about any competition with women.

Truth #1: We have a gender-unique leadership role in our marriages. 1 Corinthians 11:3 says: “But there is one thing I want you to know: A man is responsible to Christ, a woman is responsible to her husband, and Christ is responsible to God” (NLT). Then, in verse 8 it says: “For the first man didn't come from woman, but the first woman came from man.” I don't know why God made this arrangement. In many ways our wives are more competent than we are. Wise men will lean on their wives to decide many things for the family. In the end, it is not a matter of competence or even gender; it is a matter of following God's order.

When I was in grade school, my desk was closest to the door. That made me the leader for fire drills. Why was I the leader? Because I was more competent? No. Because I was a boy? No. It was because the teacher said so.

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8 Myths (and Truths) About Male Authority - 1

2012-01-23T10:11:00.000+08:00

by Joel Hunter

God has given men a unique role as leaders of our homes and families. But how do we reconcile this in a culture that has become reactionary against men exercising biblical authority?

We live in a society that is pushing for male sensitivity and female strength. That's fine. But much of the current societal norms are a reaction to a perverted idea of God-given male authority. If men could understand the authority God gives to them, they would not have to surrender to the culture's emasculation of their role. If wives could understand their husbands' roles, they would see that support of their husbands' leadership would make themselves more free and secure, not less.

Many Christian men today are wimps. They hate themselves for it, and women do not respect them because of it. So, let me remind you of eight ways that our culture perverts the biblical understanding of male authority … then we will see the list of how a “real man” exercises his authority.

Myth #1: Male authority means male dominance. Men must understand that mature masculinity in Scripture has to do with our strength to serve and sacrifice for the good of the woman. Luke 22:26 gives the general servant-leadership paradigm: “'But among you, those who are the greatest should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant'” (NLT). Ephesians 5:25 gives the home version of it: “And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church.”

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Patience: Because People Aren't Perfect

2012-01-21T13:04:00.002+08:00

by Dr. Gary Chapman

In Western culture, we are not trained to be patient. We get irritated just waiting for the computer to boot up. We are also impatient with people who don't operate on our time table. Or waitresses who bring us the wrong order. And yet, patience is one of the traits of love. To be loving is to be patient. In a nutshell: patience is accepting the imperfections of others.

Patience begins by recognizing that people are not machines. They have thoughts, feelings, and they make decisions. Those decisions do not always please us, but we must give them the same freedom that God gives them. To condemn your son for not going to college will not have a positive effect on his life. Step back, and give him freedom to be human.

Isolation is not Patience

Patience does not mean that we do nothing when others are upset with us. I've known people who will sit stone-faced and listen to the ranting and raving of their spouse and then get up and walk out of the room with no comment. This is not patience it is isolation. It is self-centeredness.

Patience is caring enough to listen empathetically with a view to understanding what is going on inside the other person. Such listening requires time and is itself an expression of love. Patience might mean remaining calm when what the other person is saying is hurtful. Patience says, "I care enough that no matter what you say or how you say it, I will listen and try to understand.

Positive Patience

When I become impatient, lose my temper, and spout condemning words to my wife, I have become an enemy, not a friend. So, she will likely fight the enemy or flee from the enemy. So, we have a royal argument that no one wins, and both of us walk away wounded, and try to avoid each other the next few days. All because I was impatient.

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As we wait to be reunited...

2012-01-19T21:49:00.000+08:00

Everyday Monolid Makeup Tutorial

2012-01-15T10:18:00.000+08:00

“You Say You Want a Revolution?” – the Beatles

2012-01-14T00:30:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

We need a revolution.When I grew up in the 60’s, young people rebelled against materialism and morality. We said “Enough!!” and fought back against the establishment – an establishment we regarded as corrupt and clueless. When it came to a war we thought unjust we chanted, “Hell no, we won’t go!!” When it came to materialism we said, “We don’t want it!!”, and walked about with no shoes and holes in our jeans. And when it came to traditional morality, we rejected it and gave ourselves to free sex, drugs and rock and roll. It had an enduring impact on our nation. And while the rejection of materialism was a positive reminder that there are more important things to life than possessions, the plunge into immorality has been devastating.

Today, four decades later, as I look at the Evangelical Christian Church (now as a pastor, husband, father and grandfather) I can’t help but believe we are in need of another revolution. This time, however, we need a revolution among Christian young people – those who will go against the narcissistic thinking of their unspiritual Christian parents, a thinking that only leads to selfishness, materialism and a high divorce rate.

Our Christian young people are being destroyed today by a culture of sexual impurity – a poisonous trend that is not taken seriously enough by their clueless parents. Our daughters rarely lay claim to being virgins on their wedding night and we have helped to produce an entire generation of young men who are porn addicts. Our divorce rates are skyrocketing and, as a result, our grandchildren are being traumatized.

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The Stand-off

2012-01-13T08:33:00.001+08:00

It only takes one person to break the silence. Have you been standing off, refusing to give in and call, waiting for your spouse to make the first move? Why wait? An effort to communicate that you care, that you are open to working on the relationship may be all that it takes to get the process going.

"He failed me. Why should I try to reconcile with him?" That line of reasoning is perfectly normal, but not biblical. In Matthew 18, Jesus instructs us to reach out to those who have sinned against us and seek reconcile. If they won't turn from their sin, then we take someone with us and lovingly confront them again. If they still refuse to talk with us, then we turn them over to God. We pray for them. We seek to win them by the love of Christ in us.

Reconciliation is hard in any relationship, and it's even harder in marriage. But God is good. He offers healing. If you and your spouse have been separated in the past but are now reconciled, share an encouraging story for others who may be in that situation right now.

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Trusting God Together

2012-01-12T12:16:00.000+08:00

happy TWO MONTHS wedding anniversary!

Nick and Nora have an attractive home, two cats (one who hides from his shadow, another who is, as Nora says, "an uppity princess"), two often-frustrating jobs, two trucks, and two hard, one-hour commutes. In their five years of marriage they’ve had many opportunities to feel isolated in their personal struggles. Though they love each other, they have often felt disconnected. Both of them were frustrated, but didn’t know how to break the cycle. It took a mission trip to Honduras to do that.

With twenty-eight others, they journeyed into a remote area of the Honduran mountains to simply do anything they could to help. They built houses, taught children, fed the hungry– all the while hoping for something to happen to them and to their marriage.

It happened on the last night they were on the mountain. The whole team met for several hours to pray, and to cement the lessons they learned while they were away from the familiar. That night Nick and Nora experienced a breakthrough.

Let me interrupt their story to do a little explaining. There are breakthrough moments in our lives. They can come gently and gradually, like the dawn, or with the intensity of a sudden thunderstorm. But they come. When they do, change begins. We’re like one of those "before and after" commercials, except that our "before and after" is real, not a made-up story or an imaginary change.

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Personality Differences

2012-01-07T13:41:00.002+08:00

by Dr Gary Chapman

Have you ever gone on date with a person and all they wanted to do was talk about themselves? Their life, their problems, their emotional baggage strewn out for you to look at and analyze. It's probably because they're a babbling brook. Many of you may be asking what in the world that means.

When it comes to communication there are two extreme personality profiles. First is the babbling brook. This person is constantly picking up the phone to talk to others, in fact, if they get someone's voicemail they call someone else. If they can't get someone on the phone they'll talk to themselves. Whatever they see, whatever they hear, they tell. Some of you are probably turning red saying, "That's me," but don't get too embarrassed because there are likely others out there saying, "I wish I could find someone like that, then I wouldn't have to worry about conversation starters."

This personality type is called, the "Dead Sea" personality. These people are perfectly content not to talk. In fact, if you say to a Dead Sea personality, "What's wrong, why aren't you talking tonight?" He/she is likely to respond, "Nothing. What makes you think something's wrong?" These are the kind of people who don't find long silent car rides awkward, rather they find these car rides enjoyable.

Babbling brooks have a great time with Dead Seas because they are such great listeners, and Dead Seas love not having to carry the weight of the conversation so they enjoy time with babbling brooks. The good news for two babbling brooks is that you can both learn to become better listeners. Likewise two Dead Seas can learn to be more open and to find things to talk about.

Which are you, a babbling brook or a Dead Sea? What ways have you tried or learned to become more balanced?

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I Still Don't Know Why...

2012-01-06T11:09:00.000+08:00

2 years ago, I replied your email..

(>.<)

A Map of the Open Country of a Woman's Heart

2012-01-05T09:55:00.000+08:00

D. W. Kellogg, c. 1833–1842

This map of a woman's heart tells us much about what the artist and his society believed about women. This illustration perfectly captures nineteenth-century ideas about womanhood. The caption reads, "The Open Country of Woman's Heart, Exhibiting its internal communications, and the facilities and dangers to Travellers therein." According to this map, Love is at the center of a woman's heart, and Sentimentality and Sentiment (including Good Sense, Discrimination, Hope, Enthusiasm, and Platonic Affection) take up a sizeable portion of the entire territory. This region of Sentiment and Sentimentality is separated from the larger, treacherous areas of a woman's heart: Selfishness and Coquetry pose dangers, especially to gentleman travelers, and these attributes suggest that all women are basically untrustworthy. The largest regions, Love of Admiration, Love of Dress, and Love of Display, all suggest that women are also essentially shallow and frivolous. Although the image claims to have been drawn by "A Lady," it is just as likely that it proceeded from the imagination of a man.

Resolve to be Thankful

2012-01-03T08:47:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

Thankful? Haven’t we passed that holiday? I know, Thanksgiving was seven or eight weeks ago…the leftovers have vanished along with the attitude of gratitude that was quickly lost in the flurry of Christmas. Now, here we are at the start of a new year. The presents have been returned, the wrapping has been recycled, and the tree is tucked away in the basement for another year.

Many people make resolutions beginning January 1st to improve themselves and their lives. Lots of us make promises to eat less and exercise more, or to pray and read the bible more and watch TV less. All good things…and they would be even better if we could actually stick to them beyond Valentine’s Day! But here is an idea for a resolution: Be thankful.

Let’s start by looking at an example from scripture of what being thankful actually looks like. In Luke 17 we find the account of Jesus healing the ten lepers. As most people are well aware, leprosy was a horrible disease at the time. It was incurable and caused people to be completely separated and isolated from everyone…including their own spouse, family and friends. Therefore, when these ten guys heard this man was healing people, they wanted in on the deal and made their way to see him crying out loudly for Jesus to have mercy upon them.

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Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up (Official Lyric Video)

2012-01-02T22:09:00.000+08:00

JANUARY

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

January starts on the same day of the week as October in common years, and starts on the same day of the week as April and July in leap years.
In a common year, January ends on the same day of the week as February and October, and ends on the same day of the week as July in a leap year.
January is named after Janus (Ianuarius), the god of the doorway; the name has its beginnings in Roman mythology, coming from the Latin word for door (ianua) – January is the door to the year.
January's birthstone is the garnet which represents constancy.
Its birth flower is the cottage pink Dianthus caryophyllus or galanthus.
The Chinese floral emblem of January is the Prunus mume.
The Japanese floral emblem of January is the camellia (Camellia sinensis).

Countdown to a New Life

2011-12-29T11:25:00.001+08:00

ONLINE COUNTDOWNS

Four Keys for Making Mr. Right: Part 2

2011-12-22T04:26:00.000+08:00

Wives can't change their husbands, but wives can and do have a tremendous influence on their husbands. How can you make that influence positive? Here are the second two of the four keys for making Mr. Right:

3. Observe His Defense.

A wife says, "Why does my husband get so defensive? All I have to do is mention that the grass needs mowing and he goes ballistic."

This husband is revealing his self-esteem hot spot. Defensiveness reveals the inner self. Some experience in his past has tied his sense of self worth to mowing the grass. Your mention of the grass translates "She thinks I'm not doing my job. I work like crazy, and now she is on my case about the grass." He sees it as a negative statement about his worth.

I know you didn't mean it that way. That's why I suggesting you observe his defensiveness, so that you can learn what is going on inside of him. We don't know these emotional hot spots until we touch one. It would be a good idea to make a list of all your husband's defensive reactions. Note what you said and did and how he responded. This insight will help you discover another way to discuss the topic that will be less threatening to his self-esteem.

Both husbands and wives hold a tremendous influence on their spouse. However, it is up to you whether your influence is positive.

4. Love Him in His Language.

If a wife wants to enhance her husband's ability to give her emotional love, perhaps her greatest influence will be in loving him. In my book, The 5 Love Languages, I talk about the importance of discovering your husband's primary love language - the thing that really makes him feel loved: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch, or acts of service. Once you discover it, pour it on. Husbands are drawn to wives who are meeting their emotional need for love.

Can you do it, even if he is not loving you. God did. He loved us when we were unlovely. But that's God. I'm me. I know, but you are God's child and He can empower you to love an unlovely spouse. I've seen it many times. A wife chooses to speak her husband's love language, even though she doesn't feel loved by him. He warms up and in time begins expressing her love language. Can emotional love be re-born in a marriage? You bet. But someone must begin the process. Why not you?

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The Muppets

2011-12-17T23:37:00.000+08:00

Once Upon a Time:

Lyrics: http://www.lyricsreg.com/lyrics/the+muppets+ft.+miss+piggy/Me+Party/

Now:

Lyrics here: http://disneytourreviews.com/the-muppets-lifes-a-happy-song-lyrics/

Four Keys for Making Mr. Right: Part 1

2011-12-16T08:47:00.000+08:00

by Dr. Gary Chapman

Wives can't change their husbands, but wives can and do have a tremendous influence on their husbands. How can you make that influence positive? Here are the first two of four keys to making Mr. Right:

Give Him Praise.

Men respond positively to praise. One of the most common complaints men make in my office is: "Dr. Chapman, in my work I am respected. People come to me for advice. But at home, all I get is criticism." What she considers suggestions, he reads as criticism. Her efforts to stimulate growth have backfired.

Give him praise. The fastest way to influence a husband is to give him praise. Praise him for effort, not perfection. You may be asking, but if I praise him for mediocrity, will it not stifle growth? The answer is a resounding "No." Your praise urges him on to greater accomplishments.

My challenge is to look for things your husband is doing right and praise him. Praise him in private, praise him in front of the children, praise him in front of your parents and his parents, praise him in front of his peers. Then stand back and watch him go for the gold.

Make Requests.

None of us like to be controlled, and demands are efforts at controlling. "If you don't mow the grass this afternoon, then I'm going to mow it." I wouldn't make that demand unless you want to be the permanent lawn mower. It is far more effective to say, "Do you know what would really make me happy?" Wait until he asks, "What?" Then say, "If you could find time this afternoon to mow the grass. You always do such a great job."

Let me illustrate by applying the principle to you. How do you feel when your husband says "I haven't had an apple pie since the baby was born. I don't guess I'm going to get any more apple pies for eighteen years"? Now, doesn't that motivate you? But what if he says, "You know what I'd really like to have? One of your apple pies. You make the best apple pies in the world. Sometime when you get a chance, I'd really love one of your apple pies. Chances are he'll have an apple pie before the week is over. Requests are more productive than demands.

Next Week - Four Keys to Making Mr. Right: Part 2

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Change!

2011-12-12T12:11:00.000+08:00

happy ONE MONTH wedding anniversary!

After 34 years of marriage and ministry, Diane and I are right in the middle of one of the biggest changes of our lives. Unexpected? No. Challenging. Yes. All changes are. This one involves selling our house and moving to another country. You can imagine the stresses that can bring. And that is just one part of the change.

Some marriages breakdown during major changes because they had little strength to begin with. You've heard the stories. The children marry and move away, and the couple has no other reason to stay together, only a long list of unmet needs and unresolved conflicts. So, they go their separate ways, live separate lives. If you do not want a future like that, you have to start preparing for a different future right now. No matter what the change, it always puts stress on your relationship to your spouse, your children, and others. Like the Boy Scout motto says, "Be Prepared."

Here is today's key concept: How we survive change depends on how we have lived before the change.

Diane and I have built a life of trusting God, staying close to him and to each other. Have we had frustrations? We have, we are, and we will. But we face them together. We have long lists of answered prayers, forgiven offenses, and incredible joys, all because of God's faithfulness.

Rules for the Road

Transition is a road, not just a destination. So here are some rules for the road that will help you reach your goal:

Be sure that God is Guiding and Providing

Total confidence in God comes from total commitment to God. Partial commitment brings partial confidence. Remember Proverbs 3:5 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart . . ."

Take One Step at a Time

Watch for God's wisdom and provision at every turn. These instructions from Proverbs 4 have been a great help to me recently:

"Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil." -- Proverbs 4:25-27 (New Living Translation)

Stay Submitted to God

Be open to any revision or adjustment he wants you to make.

Tell God that you will willingly change anything about the decision that isn't wise. If you have missed his direction in any way, you will change or even stop.

Be sure You are Together in This Change

Both Diane and I have struggled through our own insecurities and fears. At times it seemed that we were on different sides with different viewpoints. But we have stayed open to persuasion, and have tried to be patient with each other. Because of that we are moving as one, and the changes are drawing us even closer.

Support One Another Through the Hard Times

Depending on our makeup and experience, different aspects of a change will be difficult. I hope that every one of you will always be able to say, "My spouse was there for me, encouraging, listening and supporting." And I hope that you will be that supportive encourager that your husband or wife needs right now. Isolation: bad! Involvement: good!

Consider the Effect of this Change On Your Family and Friends

Change doesn't happen in a vacuum. Everybody is affected . . . even people you might overlook. Our neighbor wept for two days when she heard the news about our move. She and her family have felt very safe with us next door, and my wife has been a friend and a support to her.

We discussed the changes with our sons and their wives, our parents, and our church leaders. Informing and consulting with those close to you is the only loving thing to do. And it helps you make better decisions. True, too many voices can cause confusion. But it's also true that with many wise counselors there is safety. Many of our friends and family members have given us important insights during this time.

Resist the Temptation to Play "What If?"

"What if" statements are what David Burns, author of Feeling Good, calls fortune-telling. No one knows the future, but we can know God. And many of the negatives we imagine could happen no matter what we do. Use wisdom, plan appropriately in proportion to the scope of the decision, and you will do just fine.

Avoid Second-guessing

"If only . . ." That's the way second-guessing starts. Once you know you have made a wise decision that pleases God, stay on course. When tests come, affirm your faith in God.

Take Time to Lay Down All the Details

Have some fun, or some quiet moments. These refresh us and restore our balance. Just as soon as I finish this article my wife and I are going away for a few days. It isn't irresponsible. It's wise.

That's it, friends. We have come this far by faith, leaning on the Lord. And like the old song says, "He's never failed us yet." He won't fail you, either. Believe it!

The Ideal Christmas

2011-12-10T09:12:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

Yes, it’s that time of the year again…the most wonderful, happy, and magical season of Christmas! At least that’s what the retailers, songs and TV specials all proclaim starting mid-November. Yet for many people, this whole holiday season starting with Thanksgiving and ending with New Years is anything but wonderful or happy.

Now, there may be a variety of reasons for this. For some people, it is the first year since a loved one has passed away, which makes for sadness. Others experience the whole season being separated by many miles from their family and friends either because of job situations, military commitments or just because they can’t make it home for any given reason.

Some of the things that cause people to be unhappy at Christmas time cannot be helped and they are quite reasonable sources for sad or melancholy feelings. But many people are upset and stressed out during this season by their own doing. And by far, the largest culprit in this is unrealistic expectations of what they think Christmas is supposed to be like.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not a scrooge. I love Christmas and the whole season, but we must remember to keep it in check. People get so caught up in the hustle and bustle, the buying and spending, and the dreams and illusions of what the media tells us we must do and have for it to be the “perfect holiday”, that we lose the real joy that can be a part of celebrating the season.

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Wedding GIFS - at Church

2011-12-10T05:26:00.000+08:00

The Ideal Christmas

2011-12-09T09:28:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

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Marriage Myth Busters

2011-12-09T09:21:00.000+08:00

Unfortunately, many people in desperate marriages base their lives upon commonly held myths. This week I want to expose some of these myths and challenge you to take constructive action in your marriage.

Myth #1

The first myth is the idea that my state of mind and the quality of my marriage is determined by my environment. "I grew up in a dysfunctional family, so I am destined to failure in my relationships." This kind of approach leaves one helpless.Our environment certainly affects us, but it does not control us.You can keep a positive spirit even in a bad marriage, which will affect your emotions and your actions. God can give peace of mind even in the worst of situations.

Myth #2

You've probably heard this one: "People cannot change." This myth fails to realize the reality of human freedom and the power of God. History is filled with accounts of people who have made radical changes in their behavior. From St. Augustine, who once lived for pleasure and thought his desires were inescapable, to Charles Colson, the Watergate criminal who repented and began an international agency to offer prisoners spiritual help, the record is clear: People can and do change, and often the changes are dramatic!Don't give up on yourself or your spouse. God is in the business of changing lives. Begin with prayer, and believe that God can and will change you and your spouse.

Myth #3

"When you are in a bad marriage, there are only two options: be miserable for life, or get out." This myth limits one's horizons to two equally devastating alternatives.But there is always something you can do to improve a marriage. You can be a positive change agent in your marriage. Being miserable or getting out are not your only options, and there are loving solutions even in desperate marriages.

Myth #4

"Some situations are hopeless." Have you said those words? Have you believed them? The person who believes this myth usually also concludes, "My situation is hopeless. Perhaps there is hope for others, but my marriage is hopeless. It has gone on too long; the hurt is too deep." This kind of thinking leads to depression and sometimes suicide.God is the God of hope. When you put your hand in His hand, He will lead you through the valley of despair into the plane of hope. With God no one and no situation is hopeless. Focus your eyes on Him rather than your situation.

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You & Me

2011-12-06T06:02:00.000+08:00

2 years ago, you sent me an email..

(^_^)

A Wreath Observed

2011-12-03T09:23:00.000+08:00

What's the best Christmas present you can give your kids this year? An iPad? An e-reader?

The other day in the car, Colin asked if we could get a bigger Christmas tree. The one we chose is puny, evidently. I think he wants more room for presents.

That caused me to think about what I really want to give them. I love giving toys, trinkets, gadgets, and giz. I love giving books and gift cards and musical instruments. I love the feeling of watching them open a present and seeing the recognition on their faces that someone knows them, sees inside their souls well enough to get that DVD or pair of woolen socks.

But the truth is, the greatest gift I can give my children can't be placed under a tree, no matter how big it is. The greatest gift I can give my family is a commitment to my marriage and the fortitude to work on that relationship no matter what.

On the cover of the book, A Marriage Carol, there is a Christmas wreath. And below that, the door knocker is in the shape of an engagement ring. These circles represent something that will last, something that has no end. The contents of the book, we hope, will encourage couples to continue the struggle, continue to fight for their marriage even if things seem bleak.

If your relationship is frosty, cold, or almost dead, all the trinkets, toys, and gadgets in the world will not make your kids happy. Their real happiness comes in the security they feel with two parents who are committed enough to each other not to quit, but to humble themselves and go to work.

If you're married, give the gift that will keep giving to your children, your friends, everyone around you, and also yourself. Give the gift of commitment.

No wrapping paper or bow needed.

GUEST POST BY: Chris Fabry
CHRIS FABRY is a graduate of W. Page Pitt School of Journalism at Marshall University and Moody Bible Institute's Advanced Studies Program. Chris can be heard daily on Love Worth Finding, featuring the teaching of the late Dr. Adrian Rogers. He received the 2008 "Talk Personality of the Year" Award from the National Religious Broadcasters. He has published more than 60 books since 1995, many of them fiction for younger readers. Chris collaborated with Jerry B. Jenkins and Dr. Tim LaHaye on the children's series Left Behind: The Kids. His two novels for adults, Dogwood and June Bug, are published by Tyndale House Publishers. Chris is married to his wife Andrea and they have five daughters and four sons. You can find out more about Chris at his website.

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Wedding GIF Animations - at Home

2011-11-26T10:00:00.000+08:00

https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-wiJtJ14qT9E/TuK8dABNL4I/AAAAAAAAIdw/DuyJ6I0QsmM/s640/Andrew%252520Lydia%252520Wedding.gif-https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-V4j82c8FEiQ/TuLAZW4tmDI/AAAAAAAAId4/1hbRq0jtJtE/s640/Andrew%252520Lydia%252520Wedding%252520-%252520sim%252520corsage.gif

Since 25 November 1983

2011-11-25T11:18:00.000+08:00

Bad Theology = Bad Marriage

2011-11-22T04:17:00.000+08:00

There is line of thinking that began in American culture during the hippy movement of the 1960s and has continued to grow in popularity until it proliferated even Christianity. I’m referring to the concept of “unconditional love”. Over and over we hear people talking about how we need to love others “unconditionally” and how others should love us “unconditionally”. It also has morphed into the idea that God’s love for us is “unconditional”. What a bunch of horse manure! Nowhere in the bible does it say that love is to be without conditions…in fact, the phrase “unconditional love” isn’t even in the bible. (Not to mention that the bible is clearly a list of conditions God has for his people.) Funny how Christians are so quick to make such unbiblical ideas and phrases in to pillars of the faith!

The other phrase that is repeated over and over again until it, too, has become accepted “doctrine” is “God loves you just the way you are.” Wrong!! God loves you in spite of the way you are!He loves you when you are broken and in sin.

He loves you when your life is a disaster, if you’ve committed adultery, are lost in addictions, or cheating and lying up a storm. It’s not that God doesn’t love you, he does… but he expects you to change.

We need to repent, to grow, to mature as Christians. But when people mistakenly say, “God loves you just the way you are”, what is either spoken or implied is the caveat that you don’t have to change.

Words have meaning and by using this oft-repeated phrase, we’ve created a generation of Christians who do nothing to please God, simply because they don’t think they have to. They think that God is there to please them. Most think, “I said the prayer. I’m covered.” But they are still committing adultery, looking at porn, cheating, lying, and not going to church, or giving of their time or money. After all, they believe, “It doesn’t matter what I do…God loves me unconditionally…just the way I am.” It’s broken theology.

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Forever And A Day - Jewel

2011-11-19T10:33:00.000+08:00

The other day you asked me to
Tell you how much I love you.
Oh but words so often fail,
To describe the depth and scale,

and even though it may sound cliche,
I'll tell you now in my simple way.

chorus:
My love is as true as the oceans are blue,
and I always feel this way.
Just listen to the beating that keeps repeating
My heart wants to say
Like Gala and Dali, it's you and me,
Forever and a day
Forever and a day,
Always

You watch me turn out the light,
Wrap my arms around you, say good night
Trace our shadows on the wall.
Thank God for the miracle of it all.

Repeat chorus

Bridge:
The road of life winds
With the passing of time.
I can hear you say,
"How can hearts knowwhere love will gobeyond today?"

Utilizing Thanksgiving as a Reminder to Appreciate Your Staff

2011-11-18T09:25:00.000+08:00

Thanksgiving is the holiday where we are encouraged to be thankful for the good things in our lives - health, safety, adequate food, clothing, and shelter, as well as the many material blessings we have. For most people, Thanksgiving is usually more of a personally-focused celebration, including sharing meals and time with family and friends.

But the Thanksgiving holiday season can also be an opportunity to focus on, and be reminded of, the positive aspects of our work lives. This is especially true in these more difficult economic times, where many who desire employment are unable to find work or have to settle for a job beneath their professional capabilities.

For those who are supervisors, managers, business owners or leaders in their organizations, the Thanksgiving holiday is an excellent reminder to both remember, and communicate, the most valuable asset in your workplace: the people who work there (both employees and volunteers).

While many people sarcastically say, "I'd enjoy my work more, if it weren't for the people"; in reality, most of us have highly talented and valuable colleagues. And a few minutes of reflection can help each of us identify those positive characteristics that our team members bring to the workplace each day.

Identifying the Positive Characteristics of Colleagues.

Think about the individuals you see and with whom you work regularly.
What do they do that makes you smile?
What character quality do they demonstrate, that if it weren't present would really make life at work tough? (e.g. dependability, thoroughness, punctuality, honesty)
What talents or skills do they regularly demonstrate that are part of "who they are"? (e.g. good communication skills, accurate detailed work, being a good problem solver, creative).

Make a list of your teammates, along with the characteristics you've identified. Communicating your appreciation. While it's nice (for you) to reflect on and be thankful for the top quality co-workers you have, it would make their day to hear from you what you appreciate about them. Let me give you some tips that will make the appreciation communicated really "hit the mark" (versus "fall flat"):
Make sure your praise is specific and personal. General, impersonal praise is like eating mashed potatoes without gravy or butter - blah. Use their name. Tell them specifically how their positive characteristic makes your life better. Give a specific example, if possible.
Communicate in a way that will be comfortable for you. You can tell them verbally, write an email, or write a handwritten note in a Thanksgiving card. It doesn't have to be a big deal or production. Just do it.
Absolutely be genuine. Don't try to fake it and don't overstate your appreciation ("You are the best accountant in the world!"). Make sure your tone of voice, facial expression, and body language match what you are communicating. If you are rushed, or uptight about something, wait until you have relaxed before talking to them.

A small act of communicating your appreciation to your colleagues may make their whole Thanksgiving a very special holiday. And the rewards you may reap in the coming weeks may be bountiful as well.

GUEST POST BY: Paul White, PhD Dr. Paul White is co-author of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. He is a psychologist, author, speaker, and consultant who helps make work relationships work. For the past two decades, he has improved numerous businesses, wealthy family estates, schools, and nonprofit organizations by helping them to build healthy relationships, create positive workplace environments, and raising the level of job satisfaction for both employees and volunteers. For more information, visit DrPaulWhite.com

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Bicycle Built for Two

2011-11-12T13:39:00.000+08:00

"We had this bicycle," the lady said. "It was built for two people to ride together. What problems that bicycle caused us!"

"How so?" I asked?

"Well, my husband would ride behind me, on the back seat. I always rode in the front seat and steered. But he wouldn't peddle! He just let me do all the work. When I applied the brake, then he would start peddling!"

Now, this husband worked against his wife only to tease her, but in many marriages the husband and wife fight against each other over much more serious issues. Rather than making a joint effort towards a common goal, they end up battling for their rights. Each of them has an individual goal and tries to make their spouse go in their direction, at their pace. Marriage becomes a struggle rather than a partnership.

The one thing you need to ride a bicycle-built-for-two is agreement. Without it, the thing just won't work. Two may ride on it, but if they don't work together, they won't go anywhere. Worse, they will suffer many crashes and many frustrations.

Just like that tandem bike, every marriage takes two partners working together. That makes all the difference. With agreement we develop marital coordination. Without it, we develop marital confusion.

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Veterans Day: The Power of Words

2011-11-12T09:26:00.000+08:00

Editor's Note: On behalf Dr. Gary Chapman and all the Chapman Team here at Northfield Publishing, we would like to express our deepest appreciation to all those who have served, or are currently serving, our country in the military. Thank you for your service and sacrifice! In light of Veterans Day, we would like to share with you an excerpt of an article Dr. Chapman wrote for Military Spouse Magazine several years ago. Enjoy.

"Don't underestimate the power of words!" That's what my mother told me when my dad was deployed in World War II. For them, it was true because she wrote Dad a letter every day. And he wrote her every time he had a free minute. The letters may have been a month late, but they brought news from home. And they expressed love. Mom and Dad stayed connected though separated by the miles and months.

In today's world, with computers and wireless phones, staying connected is easier than ever. Staying connected while apart is the best way to make re-entry sweet. If you are disconnected during deployment, it takes time to re-establish intimacy. If one of you has violated trust by being unfaithful, it takes genuine confession and forgiveness; then it follows the often slow process of rebuilding trust.

For the average couple who stays somewhat connected while deployed and remain true to each other, re-entry can be heavenly; with perhaps a few hellish moments. Whatever problems you had before deployment did not go away while you were apart.

You must start, not where you left off, but where you are now. That means, taking time to talk and listen. It means sharing what has happened while the two of you have been apart. Obviously, there is not time to relive all the experiences, but if you are to reconnect, you must share some of what has transpired.

Don't underestimate the power of words. They can make or break a relationship. Such statements as, "I missed you. I'm proud of you. You look great; I am glad you are home," communicate love to the one who has been deployed. While "You did a such a good job with the things while I was away. I'm so lucky to have you as a husband/wife. You look fabulous. I am so glad to be home again," communicate encouragement to the one who stated at home. No matter what has happened, beginning with positive words creates a climate for reconstruction.

This does not mean that you cannot voice your concerns, but even this need to be done in a positive way. "I know I may be misreading this. There are probably some things I don't know. But I felt concerned when...." This kind of statement is not condemning, but seeks information to clarify the situation. You can process your differences so long as you do not condemn each other. When you condemn and harshly criticize, you may create a war that is more volatile than the one from which you have returned.

The motif of a good marriage is mutual support and encouragement. Questions like, "What could I do to help you? How can I make your life easier? How could I best show my love to you?" express an attitude of helpfulness and will likely be well received by your spouse. Reaching out to help each other, you become partners in life, which is what marriage is all about.

The greatest detriment to such positive partnership is selfishness. Perhaps both of you feel that you have gone through a difficult period of life and you deserve a little pampering. However, when you focus on yourselves and start demanding things of each other, you become enemies. When you freely and genuinely reach out with the attitude of helping your spouse, you both become winners. Successful re-entry occurs when both partners seek the well being of the other.

Marsha, the wife of an enlisted man captured it all when she said "After all he had been through, I could not believe it when he came home and said, 'It was a hard deployment. But I'm home now and I'm here to serve you.' Of course, I wanted to serve him. What wife wouldn't respond positively to a husband who has that attitude?"

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Wedding Information

2011-11-12T03:54:00.000+08:00

Wedding Ceremony
Date: 12 November 2011
Time: 10.30am
Venue: White Fields Assembly
Dress Code: Formal

Wedding Luncheon
Date: 12 November 2011
Time: 1pm
Venue: Min Kok Restaurant
* A reception at the Hospitality Room will be held for those who are not going for the Luncheon

RSVP deadline: 25 October 2011

4 days 30 mins

2011-11-08T10:22:00.000+08:00

As I am writing this, it is 4 days & 30 minutes to 10.30am, 12 November 2011..
I am feeling a plethora of emotions and yo-yo levels of stress and tiredness..
I'll bet my family members feel the same way..
The mix of emotions, stress levels from wedding & work (and hormones) make for a lethal explosive..

I realise I seem to be having the memory of a goldfish to remember events for this week..
Thank God for Prisca & Google Documents..

It's a roller-coaster of excitement and nervousness as I am constantly reminded that as much as I am having fun planning the wedding..
It is my marriage that I should be concerned and serious about..
It's not a 4-year university course that I can change my mind..
Or it will be over in a few years..
This is For Life..

So Help Me God!!~

Marry a Believer

2011-11-08T04:13:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

People have all kinds of ideas and notions on whom they are to marry, how they go about finding “the one” to marry, and the list of standards and ideals they have for the one they marry. Let’s clear up a few things, shall we?

The bible doesn’t say anything about waiting for your soul mate to get married. It also doesn’t say anything about God having that one special person just for you…although people will argue with me on that one! What it does say is that we are to get or find a spouse—that means you don’t sit and wait for God drop one into your lap. Check out my new DVD set Singles and Stinking Thinking: A Clear Path to Marriage for more information on dating and why I believe God does not have “a special one just for you”.

The only other clear directive to believers is to make sure that the person you marry is also a believer. (See 1Corinthians 7:39 and 2 Corinthians 6:14.) Notice that scripture doesn’t tell us to marry a person who simply says he or she is a believer. There is a huge difference between the two, but in all honesty, most people don’t get that.

Far too often single people—especially women—will date anyone who claims to be a Christian regardless of whether or not they have any real evidence of action to back that report up. You are not a Christian just because you went to church as a child, or because you attend services on Christmas and Easter. Even sitting in church every Sunday doesn’t make you a Christian any more than sitting in your garage makes you a car. There are signs that you need to look for when trying to evaluate a person’s commitment to their faith. And make no mistake, it is exactly what you should be doing during the dating process.

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Dear HunBun..

2011-11-06T12:00:00.000+08:00

From HERE

OneRepublic - Good Life

2011-11-05T10:20:00.000+08:00

The Depressed Spouse

2011-11-05T09:27:00.000+08:00

John is a successful business man, but his wife is suffering from depression. "She spends most mornings in bed, and in the afternoons she just sits around the house," he said. "She seems to have no ambition. Every night, I have to bring food home for dinner. Many nights she doesn't eat with us. She has lost forty pounds over the last year. To be truthful, life is pretty miserable at our house. I feel sorry for the kids, although they get more attention than I do. But I know they must wonder what is wrong with their mother."

John just described some of the classic characteristics of depression. Unfortunately, depression does not go away simply with the passing of time. John's wife needs medical and psychological help, and without it things will get even worse. Many Christians don't understand depression. They think it is a spiritual problem. While it may have a spiritual dimension, it is often rooted in physical, and emotional imbalance.

Identifying the Problem
What do you do when your spouse is depressed? First, you must get information. It is helpful to think of three categories of depression. First, depression may be the by-product of a physical illness. When we are physically sick, our minds and emotions move into a depressed state. We temporarily check out. It's nature's way of protecting you from constant anxiety about your physical condition.

The second kind of depression is called situational depression or reactive depression. It is a depression that grows out of a particularly painful situation in life. Many of these experiences involve a sense of loss: the loss of a job, the loss of a child to college, or loss of a friendship.

The third category is depression rooted in some biochemical disorder. It is a physical disease, and must be treated with medication. Visit the library or search the web and learn about depression. It's the first step in helping your spouse.

Finding the Solution
The healthiest road of treatment involves an honest and in-depth evaluation of three elements: physical, psychological, and spiritual. Seriously depressed persons will seldom take initiative to help themselves. As a caring spouse you must insist that they get help. Depression is not an incurable disease. Even those who have been depressed for months or sometimes years can find relief with the proper treatment.

Long term depression can be devastating to a marriage. If your spouse has been depressed for more than a few weeks, I urge you to take action.

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Getting Rid of Bitterness

2011-10-26T08:22:00.000+08:00

Have you ever heard the expression don't get angry get even? Well, there may be a better way to deal with that unexpressed anger than vengeance. Let's look at two negative ways and one positive way of responding to anger and bitterness.

First, there is unexpressed anger; holding it inside and letting it smolder. When we do this, the bitterness becomes like a malignant cancer slowly destroying the fiber of life. Then, there is uncontrolled expression of anger. Like an explosion it destroys everything in its range. Such an outburst is like an emotional heart attack and may produce permanent damage.

There is a better way. It begins by saying to yourself, "I'm extremely angry and bitter about what my spouse has done. But I will not allow their wrong to destroy me and I will not attempt to destroy them. I will turn my spouse over to God who is just, and I will release my anger and bitterness to God." The Biblical challenge is "get rid of anger and bitterness," (Col. 3:8).

Confess to God that you have held your anger inside and that you are bitter. Ask His forgiveness for handling your anger in a sinful way. Then confess your bitterness to your spouse and ask forgiveness. Find a counselor or trusted friend who can help you release your spouse and your anger to God, in order to live a constructive life in the future. Let me admit that a one time confession of bitterness may not eliminate all hostile feelings. If the bitterness has been there a long time, the hostile feelings may die slowly.

Paul said, "Never pay back evil for evil... Never take your own revenge, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord" (Romans 12:17,19).

You may have been greatly wronged by your spouse, but it is not your responsibility to punish them for their sin. They must face God with their sin, and God is a just judge. Verbal retaliation accomplishes no constructive purpose. Seeking the good of your mate, which the Bible calls love, has much potential for good.

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Jesus Was Not a Hypocrite

2011-10-25T09:15:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

Have you noticed that people are extremely caught up in their feelings in today’s culture…even our Christian culture? They think they have to be honest with their feelings. They live by the belief that they have to live by their emotions and verbally vomit their feelings on those around them. So often they say that they cannot or will not act in any way, shape or form that is contrary to what they feel. For example, if I don’t “feel” in love with my spouse, I can’t possibly stay in my marriage because I’m not being true to what I feel. If I stayed married to a woman that I didn’t have feelings of love for, I would be a hypocrite.

Or how about his one, I can’t act in loving and kind ways toward my spouse because I don’t feel full of loving-kindness. Maybe I feel nothing, or perhaps I feel anger or resentment. I can’t possibly act like I want to be with her, or tell her I love her if I don’t feel love. That, too, would make me a hypocrite. Way too many people think that they must feel the emotions in order for it to be love. They say that without the feelings, it’s not love. Well, I’ve got news for you…based on this kind of stupid thinking and what people say, Jesus didn’t love us and he was a hypocrite.

Hang on to your horses and don’t have a cow…let me explain. Love is not an emotion—it’s an action. Your feelings may or may not line up with the actions you put forth. In fact, when it comes to real, biblical love, warm, fuzzy, lovey dovey emotions may not exist, but your actions can still show love. If you believe you must have the feelings in order to love, you are flat out wrong. Jesus proved it when he was in the Garden of Gethsemane heading toward his crucifixion.

click to continue following the rainbow > > >

An Encouraging Story

2011-10-15T10:41:00.000+08:00

by Dr. Gary Chapman

Mark Twain once said, "I can live for two months on a good compliment." Good for Mark Twain, but I don't know many husbands and wives who can survive on six compliments a year. Solomon, author of the ancient Hebrew wisdom literature, wrote, "The tongue has the power of life and death. "Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other. Verbal compliments are powerful communicators of love.

A Kind Tongue

There is a difference between encouraging words and nagging words. Encouraging words always focus on something your spouse wants to do, not something you want them to do. A nag is anything you tell your spouse more than three times. If we are to express love by words of affirmation, those words must be kind words.

Kindness also has to do with the manner in which we speak. Sometimes our words are saying one thing, but our tone of voice is saying another. Our spouse will usually interpret our message based on our tone of voice, not the words we use. The same words expressed with a loud, harsh voice will not be an expression of love, but an expression of condemnation and judgment.

An Encouraging Story

One way to verbally affirm your spouse is to give encouraging words. Allison always wanted to be a writer, but after receiving her first rejection slip from the publisher, she gave up. One evening her husband Keith came into the den and said,

"I hate to interrupt your reading, but I have to tell you this. I just finished reading your article. Allison, you are an excellent writer. This stuff ought to be published! Your words paint pictures that I can visualize. You have got to submit this stuff to some magazines."

"Do you really think so?" Allison asked.

"I know so," Keith said. "I'm telling you, this is good."

Ten years later, Allison has had several articles published and has her first book contract. She credits her success to Keith's words of encouragement. Perhaps your spouse has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. That potential may be awaiting your encouraging words.

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You, Me and God

2011-10-13T09:14:00.000+08:00

http://phraseologyproject.com/phrase/till-death-do-us-part

Talking to Your Kids About Sex

2011-10-12T09:24:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

What do I tell my kids about sex? When do I talk to them about it? How old should they be when we have “the sex talk”? These are questions that I get all the time from parents in regard to educating kids about sex. It’s a task that many dread and can make even the strongest of men and women tremble with apprehension and fear. But is doesn’t have to be daunting if you can get comfortable and approach it as a constant conversation, rather than the one big event. “The Talk” is 1950s thinking and it doesn’t cut it in the world we live in today.

As parents, if you believe that talking to your kids one time is enough, you are dumb as a brick! It shows how just backward we Christians are in the area of sex education that we’re still thinking in terms of “the talk”. Your kids are bombarded with thousands of negative impressions, misinformation and straight-up lies regarding sex every single week of their lives. If you think that one conversation with you is going to counter all of that, you are sadly mistaken. Now, the good news is because you are the parent, you don’t have to go one-to-one with each message your kids take in. You have far greater influence than the world around and your voice carries more weight. But what you must do is capitalize on the teachable moments over and over again.

Unless you live in an absolute bubble, you will have constant opportunities to discuss all kinds of aspects of sex with your kids. If you take advantage of them, I promise you will hit nearly every topic necessary from erections and menstruation, to birth control and intercourse, and won’t have to save it all up for one gigantic talk where you think you have to fill your kid’s head with everything you can conceivably think of.

Keep it age appropriate of course, but when you are watching a movie or a TV show with your kids, (even the commercials are rich with opportunities) hit the pause button and stop to talk to them and ask questions. Instill your values as you go along each day. Here is an example: Last year during the Super Bowl Pepsi ran an ad where a couple was sitting in a restaurant on a first date and it showed what each of them was thinking inside their own heads. The woman’s thoughts were, “I wonder how much money he makes? I wonder if he loves his mother? I wonder if he’ll lose his hair? I wonder if he wants kids? I wonder if he’s the one?” While the glimpse into the guy’s brain showed all he was thinking was, “I want to sleep with her! I want to sleep with her! I want to sleep with her!” over and over again.

Now there is a perfect moment to stop and talk to your teenagers about sex, dating, waiting for marriage, the difference between what males and females, and a whole host of other topics. But be smart…pick and choose the moments and don’t make it into a three-hour lecture! Trust me, you will have many more opportunities. Keep an eye out for those teachable moments to talk about all things like the changes during puberty, values and morals, pornography and sex, dating and marriage, and the list goes on and on.

It doesn’t have to be just what you see on TV either. See what comes up listening to music, checking out articles online or in the paper, what people post on Facebook, even what is going on all around you as you live life. Things like how girls are dressed when you go to the mall, teens making out at the park, the situations that you know of with their friends and family or other kids in their school, and most certainly what they are learning in school in terms of sex education are all talking points for you as parents.

And you dads should be engaging your children in these conversations too. Do not leave it up to mom to be the one who instills the values and teaches the kids about sex in your family. Your sons and daughters need to hear it from their fathers. Every study out there shows that the father has the greatest impact on the moral and sexual behavior of their kids.

The ongoing discussions that you have with your children will yield far greater results than storing it all up for “the talk”. You will be more comfortable with it and so will they. Plus, you will be doing a much better job of countering all that the culture throws at them if you address it on an ongoing basis. Tampon commercial on TV? Perfect time to talk about the monthly cycle. Son wakes up with an erection in the morning? Now is the time to address that. Pornography comment or joke made in a movie? There is your golden opportunity.

Pay attention, be aware of what’s going on, be an engaged parent who keeps the constant conversation going with your kids and they reap the benefits.

Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking: Sex Makes You Stupid

2011-10-09T20:27:00.000+08:00

Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking: Submission in Marriage

2011-10-08T16:25:00.000+08:00

Colbie Caillat - The Little Things

2011-10-06T23:34:00.000+08:00

Manly Man Conference II

2011-10-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

by LaughYourWay's channel

Marriage Q&A

2011-10-06T20:27:00.000+08:00

by LaughYourWay's channel

Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking: Men Behaving Badly

2011-10-06T16:24:00.000+08:00

Single Purpose

2011-10-06T10:44:00.000+08:00

by Dr. Gary Chapman

Some years ago, I lead a conference with this theme: single adults are people too. Singles, whether never married, divorced, or widowed want to have positive relationships. I know of nothing that will help singles reach that goal more, than understanding the five love languages.

I believe that understanding the love languages will help singles build positive supportive relationships: at work, with the family, and in their dating relationships. Learning to receive and give love in all five languages greatly enhances your potential for success. Learning how to identify someone's primary love language is the key to a whole new level of friendship.

If you are single and have not yet discovered your love language, why not take the next 15 minutes to find out? Take the love language assessment for singles

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Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking: Finding a Soulmate

2011-10-04T16:23:00.000+08:00

Noone's Gonna Hurt You by James Iha

2011-10-04T07:47:00.000+08:00

Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking: Apologies and Boundaries

2011-10-01T20:23:00.000+08:00

Better Than Money

2011-10-01T10:45:00.000+08:00

by Dr. Gary Chapman

In today's economy, it might be helpful to remember the words that are printed on our money: "In God we trust!" No matter how much money we have, it is still "in God we trust." To trust in money to give life meaning is to trust in an idol.

C.S. Lewis said, "One of the dangers of having a lot of money is that you may be quite satisfied with the kinds of happiness money can give and so fail to realize your need for God. If everything seems to come simply by signing checks, you may forget that you are at every moment totally dependent on God." Life's meaning is not found in possessions, but in relationships - first with God, then with family and friends. "In God we trust."

In the midst of hard financial times, one wife said, "What we have discovered is that we can live on a whole lot less than we thought. It has really brought our family closer together. Now that we no longer have cable TV we are pulling out the games we used to play when the children were young. We're all having great fun and we are building memories."

For the Christian, some things are more important than money. We have all learned that money can be 'here today and gone tomorrow.' But God is always 'here'. He is never 'gone' today or tomorrow. So in hard times, we put our hand in His, and use whatever money we have to feed or families and help others. Our security is not in money, but in a loving and faithful God

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Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking: Spiritual Leader in the Home

2011-09-30T16:21:00.000+08:00

Till Death Do Us Part…

2011-09-29T08:33:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

My Response to the Pat Robertson Controversy

I’ve been asked several times over the past several days what I think about the whole issue of Pat Robertson’s comments in regard to divorce and Alzheimer’s. I did address the actual story on the September 20th episode of my radio show. If you are so inclined to hear what my take was, click here. I won’t go into detail here in this post, but what I would like to comment on is the outpouring of responses that Christian people all across the Internet and media world put forth.

Huge numbers of people—both believers and non-believers—have been in an uproar and it’s created quite the firestorm of controversy. First, over Robertson himself, and second, about how awful, heartless and cruel someone would be to divorce a spouse in the throes of a terrible disease. Yet, I would guess that it is many of these very same people who condone and advocate divorce in circumstances far less trying than Alzheimer’s. Does anyone else see the inconsistency here?READ THIS VERY CAREFULLY: I am NOT advocating divorce in the cases of Alzheimer’s. I am NOT saying it’s okay to dump your spouse and find another. I DO believe that the marriage vows we take say we are in this covenant for better or worse, sickness and in health, till death do us part and that we don’t get a free pass just because a disease like this is, in Robertson’s words, like a death.

I do find it extraordinarily ironic that so many Christians are up in arms over this example, yet so freely endorse divorce for reasons like I’m not happy, my needs aren’t met, we’ve just grown apart, and we’re not in love anymore. (Studies estimate that 60% of all divorces occur in low-conflict marriages where there is no infidelity, abuse, addictions, etc.) Silly, stupid, ridiculous reasons that people in churches give for ending their marriages every single day. Funny, it doesn’t seem that anyone is rushing in to make a big deal made about those divorces. There is no backlash in the Christian community decrying the cruelty to those husbands and wives, or to those children who are being abandoned.

Apparently, everyone who is shouting out the callousness in this case can very easily see how heartless it is to divorce a sick woman. (Now track very, very carefully with me here. Again, I am not saying it’s okay to leave a sick spouse. It is not okay.) But the truth is in a case like the example Robertson spoke of, she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know her who husband is anymore, or that he’s not there. She’s not going to suffer the emotional heartbreak over this. The children in this family would be older and could possibly see and understand the situation for what it is. But what about all the Christians who divorce and leave spouses and kids who do know what’s happening? What about the innumerable wives, and children who are small or teenagers and are very well aware of the pain and suffering that comes as a part of dad moving on. (The reverse is also true when the wife is the one divorcing her husband.) Doesn’t anyone see the cruelty in that? Where is the rallying cry for them?

Do you see my point? Why is the example in Robertson’s case such an atrocity, while the many instances of church-goers abandoning their spouses for any reason under the sun given the stamp of approval? Scores of Christians think, “God wants us to be happy, He doesn’t want me to stay in a marriage where I don’t feel loved or my needs aren’t met. The kids will adjust and be okay. I deserve to have a better life than this.” Isn’t that all the man in the Robertson case is saying? Isn’t he just saying what many Christian couples say every day? Then please explain the difference to me.

Can we take a moment to really examine how gravely inconsistent the thinking is on this issue? I have yet to come across any blog posts, articles, or editorials that even touch on this viewpoint of the whole Robertson brouhaha. Maybe they are out there, but I just haven’t stumbled upon them. Why is it that this Alzheimer’s thing is causing people to have such a cow? Because it seems cold and selfish to walk out on a woman who has lost her mind? Well, to me it’s cold and selfish when you walk out on your wife and kids who do still have their minds and are left reeling in the pain and disillusionment of a divorce. Yet far too many people don’t even bat an eye at that.

Seriously…how double-minded can people be?

Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking: Pets and Perfectionists

2011-09-28T16:20:00.000+08:00

James Iha "The Sound of Love"

2011-09-27T07:46:00.000+08:00

Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking : The Feminization of America

2011-09-26T16:19:00.000+08:00

Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking: Dating and Happiness

2011-09-24T17:18:00.000+08:00

Revealing Yourself

2011-09-24T11:47:00.000+08:00

by Dr. Gary Chapman

Intimacy comes from a Latin word meaning 'inner'. It is two people sharing the 'inner self'. Marriage is meant to be an intimate relationship-one in which a husband and wife reveal themselves to one another. Two of the things we share are 'thoughts' and 'emotions'. Emotions can't be seen, but they can be revealed. When I say to my wife, "I'm feeling disappointed," I have shared an emotion. If I tell her why, then I'm sharing my thoughts.

We make it easier for our spouse to share thoughts and emotions if we don't pounce on them with condemnation. If you say, "Well, that's nothing to be disappointed about. You shouldn't let that bother you," you have become a preacher not a loving spouse. When you say, "I can see how that would be disappointing, tell me more about it." You are encouraging intimacy.

Intimate Desires

We are creatures of desire. That is, we want certain things. Desires are usually expressed in terms of "I want..., I wish...I hope... or I would like... In an intimate marriage couples can share their desires without making demands. If my wife tells me that she would like a new dress for the party, then perhaps I can make it happen.

If she doesn't tell me, I have no way of knowing her desire. I don't mean that any of us can have everything we desire. But if we share, then we can discuss the possibilities - is it realistic or not? If so, then what steps need to be taken? Helping fulfill the desires of your spouse is one way of expressing your love. Love always wants what is best for the spouse.

Getting Intimate

The easiest level of self-revelation is sharing some of the experiences you have throughout the day. Every day we are constantly seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, and smelling our world. We call them the five senses.Why not begin by sharing one item from each of the categories.

One thing I saw today was...One thing I heard ...One thing I touched today was...One thing I tasted ...One pleasant smell I had today was...

This is communication 101. Try it, you'll like it. It just might lead you to greater intimacy in your marriage.

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Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking: Joining the Family

2011-09-22T17:17:00.000+08:00

Cheerleading @ Team Spirit Competition...

2011-09-20T18:33:00.000+08:00

"Silver String" by James Iha

2011-09-20T07:46:00.000+08:00

Don’t Date Unless You Want to Marry

2011-09-17T11:09:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

In these days of hook-ups, serial dating, friends with benefits, stay-over relationships and other such collective stupidity, I can understand how the real purpose of dating has gotten lost. Just to be clear and fill in the blank for those of you who are wondering…the whole point of dating is to find someone you love and want to build a life with and to get married. I know people “date” for all kind of reasons—anything from boredom, and loneliness, to getting sex or boosting their egos—but none of those should be the motivation to date. It’s pretty straightforward people: If you don’t want to get married, then don’t date.

I frequently hear young couples say things like this: “We’ve been dating for three years but we just can’t afford to get married yet.” “I’m just not ready to settle down.” “I want to complete my education and get established before I think about marrying.” Why in the heck are you even dating to begin with?

If you want to finish college and get a big job, if you think you don’t have the money to marry or believe you are too young to commit or settle down, if you don’t think you are “ready”…then why on earth are you dating? Because while you are out there meeting some nice girl and falling in love with her, while you are growing closer and giving your heart away to that great guy—all the time not thinking you will marry for another four or five years—your emotions and hormones are thinking otherwise.

Again, if both you and your girlfriend think you need to finish college, if neither have a job or an income at all, if you’re both living off your parents at their house and this is what your status is going to be for the next seven years, then you are right. You probably can’t afford to get married. But then you shouldn’t be dating either. That is if you are intending to do life right, to date and marry according to what God’s Word says in scripture.

I know this is very counter-cultural, but remaining pure prior to marriage should be of utmost importance to Christian men and women—young or old. Sadly, it’s not. What is of the utmost importance to far too many is money and careers, having a house and car, achieving, attaining and acquiring things. So they sell out purity and righteousness for financial security and creature comforts. They date for four, five, six, seven years and end up having sex with the other person, defying the plan of God for marriage simply because they “can’t afford” to follow His way and get married. Really? Good luck explaining your reasons to God.

My general rule of thumb on dating is this: If you can’t see yourself marrying in the next 18 months to two years, don’t date. Dating should not last more than a couple of years or you will, most assuredly, end up in sexual compromise…. which by the way is the single greatest indicator of marital success. Couples who are virgins when they marry have a fraction of the divorce rate compared to those who were sexually active prior to marriage.

So if you can actually fathom the idea that you don’t need to spend years of your life partying and experimenting sexually, if you don’t need to have a 3000 square foot house with an SUV in the driveway and five flat screen TVs first, if you actually think that starting out with little and building a life together but doing it God’s way by saving yourself sexually is the best way to do things, then great. Go for it! Date smart, look for character, find that person you want to have a life with and get married.

If the partying, the education, the career, the money, the material stuff all has to come first, then why date? Dating is about marriage and if you aren’t serious about marriage, don’t do it!

Marshmallows and Patience

2011-09-17T11:08:00.000+08:00

by Dr. Gary Chapman

A Better Way

On the other hand, had I been patient, I would have asked questions in an effort to understand my wife's behavior. Once I understand what motivated her behavior, I'm more likely to have a reasoned response. I am now her friend and she responds positively to a friend. The whole atmosphere remains positive because I chose to be patient.Patience begins by recognizing that people are not machines. They have thoughts, feelings, and they make decisions. Those decisions do not always please us, but we must give them the same freedom that God gives them. To condemn your son for not going to college will not have a positive effect on his life. Step back, and give him freedom to be human.

Marshmallows

More than 40 years ago, Dr. Walter Mischel conducted an extensive long-term study at Stanford University that came to be known as the Marshmallow Test. The researcher put a marshmallow in front of a 4 year old child and said: "You can have one marshmallow right now, or you can wait 15 minutes while I do something else and then you can have two marshmallows.

About one third of the children waited and received the second marshmallow. Fourteen years later the same children were interviewed about their present lives. Those who waited had better self-esteem, higher SAT scores, and were considered more socially adept and trustworthy. Patience, is indeed a virtue.

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Cheerleading Trial Run

2011-09-16T12:26:00.000+08:00

James Iha - Country Girl

2011-09-13T07:44:00.000+08:00

Pictures from the PIT

2011-09-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

Making Marriage Sexy

2011-09-12T07:05:00.000+08:00

by Dr Gary Chapman

Unrealistic Expectations

Contrary to the opinion of some, sex is not a topic that God finds taboo. In fact, sex was God's idea. He created us male and female and He instituted marriage with the intent that two would become 'one flesh'. Why then do so many couples fail to find satisfaction in this important area of marriage? I want to suggest one major reason: Unrealistic expectations.

Films, magazines, and novels convey the idea that sexual thrill and mutual satisfaction are automatic. That is simply not true. God told Israel that a young couple should 'take a year' and learn to pleasure each other.

What makes us think that we can do so in less time?

Sexy Communication

In a society that is saturated with sex, why do so many couples struggle in this area of marriage? One of the reasons is that we fail to communicate. Your wife will never know your feelings, needs, and desires if you do not express them. Your husband will never know what pleases you if you do not communicate. I have never known a couple who gained sexual oneness without open communication about sexual matters.

Make a list of suggestions that would make this part of the marriage better for you. Share the list with your spouse. If you would like to read a list made by other husbands and wives see my book: The Marriage You've Always Wanted.

Communication is the road to finding mutual sexual fulfillment in marriage and helps makes marriage sexy.

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Marry Me... Marry You...

2011-09-06T22:53:00.000+08:00

James Iha "Jealousy"

2011-09-06T07:43:00.000+08:00

If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It

2011-08-31T12:03:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

I don’t really like marriage enrichment programs. Considering that I spend a great deal of my life traveling and presenting my own marriage seminar, that sounds quite strange. It’s not that I don’t believe it’s important to educate and enlighten couples on how to have a successful marriage, rather, I am just not a fan of the sorts of groups, classes, weekend retreats, books and conferences that end up creating more issues than they solve.

Let me explain. I actually know of couples that have been to a marriage seminar and their marriage ended up a mess because of it. Prior to attending, they were perfectly happy with their relationship but that came to a screeching halt when seeds of discontent were planted. Men and women may be very content in their marriage until some expert or pastor tells them how things “should be” or what they “should be” doing if they want to have a great marriage. You should be praying together everyday, you should be having sex 3-4 times a week, you should be spending at least 30 minutes of time each day sharing your thoughts, hopes and dreams…do you get the point?

Some of the advice we get in marriage classes actually ends up making things worse, not better. Let’s say that you were fine in your relationship having sex once or twice a month. Both you and your spouse were extremely happy with this arrangement. Then you hear somebody say that in good marriages you are supposed to be doing the horizontal hoochi coochi at least every other day. Well, now your life sucks! People can get really bummed out by this stuff

My seminar is not like that…mostly because I hate that other stuff. I know that these instructors are well meaning, but they can do more harm than good. At one well-known marriage enrichment seminar they have you write down the ten things you dislike about your spouse. Of all the moronic stupidity! I mean, who on earth does this stuff? I’m sure there are at least ten things (probably many more) that my wife doesn’t like about me, but quite frankly, I don’t want to hear it! These guys may have PhDs and may have helped many people, but they really think that the way to enrich the marriage is to emotionally vomit all over each other?!

Marriage groups in church can be good if you do a marriage study here and there, or do other kinds of bible studies; if you are using it as a way to meet other couples and create social relationships. That way you get to know one another and can share your problems and struggles with other couples. But this idea of constantly meeting to evaluate your marriages is—in my opinion— ridiculous!

Do my Laugh Your Way small group study, work on fixing the problems and getting rid of the stinking thinking, but seriously, how much more can you say? Why dissect it over and over and over? My wife and I have never done all these marriage enrichment things. I get it—I’m supposed to love my wife like Jesus loved the church…but I don’t always, I’m trying to do better. I tell you one thing, I don’t want to go to a class on a weekly basis to hear how far short I am falling. Don’t suck the life out of your marriage over thinking, going from one class or seminar to the next and the next, thinking that it’s helpful.

The opposite can happen when it sets up so many unrealistic expectations and requirements that you end up feeling discontent when you were probably fine in the first place. Don’t let anyone else ruin your marriage—even your pastor— just because they tell you what your marriage should and shouldn’t be. So your marriage doesn’t look like someone else’s, what do you care? So what if your husband doesn’t act just like someone else’s husband or your wife isn’t just like the neighbor’s wife. Be content.

If you are perfectly happy in your marriage, leave it alone. Live your life, clean the toilet, pay bills, take the kids to school, be nice to each other. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

James Iha "Beauty"

2011-08-30T07:43:00.000+08:00

A Fresh Look at Money

2011-08-27T10:42:00.000+08:00

by Gary Chapman

In today's world, many people are suffering from the pain of debt. Others are troubled with the upheavals of the financial markets. Let me remind you of the words of Jesus: "A man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." If you understand that truth it will change your life forever.

Money alone will never bring you happiness. Do you want to a healthy marriage and/or family? It all begins with recognizing that your marriage and family are more important than your money. Money might be a great servant, but it is a terrible master.

Real satisfaction is found not in money, but in loving relationships with God, our spouse, children and friends. Loving relationships are our greatest assets. Most of us could live with less money, and may of necessity have to do so. But, if that helps us focus on relationships, then we still come out winners. Why not have a family 'soup' night - eat only soup and crackers and thank God that you are alive and together.

The greatest satisfaction in life is in investing your life in the lives of others.

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James Iha - Be Strong Now

2011-08-23T22:42:00.000+08:00

Love is Practical

2011-08-19T19:42:00.000+08:00

by Gary Chapman

God's Expectation

"Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it." I, for one, am fully willing to admit that apart from the work of Christ and the ministry of the Holy Spirit in my life I am not likely to be that kind of husband. I am in fact, self-centered and often selfish.

However, there is no question that this is God's expectation of me and all husbands. As Christians we must not accept the cultural norm as our standard. Rather, we must recognize that in Christ we have the ability to transcend the pull of selfishness and truly become lovers. Few wives will run away from a husband who is loving as Christ loved.

Contract, Criticism, and Covenant

Many people view marriage as a contract. "I'll do this if you will do that." With enough criticism your spouse may do what you want, but it will not be an expression of love. True love is a choice and cannot be coerced. Criticism and demands tend to drive wedges. Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love.

If we decide to love, then we need to view marriage differently. The Bible paints for us a better picture of how we are to love and commit ourselves to one another. It views marriage as a covenant, not a contract. Covenants might include such affirmations as:

I will look out for your well-being no matter how you treat me.
I view our marriage as a permanent relationship.
I will not walk out on you.
Because I love you, I will confront you when I see you doing things that I believe are harmful.
I will speak the truth in love.
When you confess wrong doing, I will forgive you and never hold it against you in the future.
I am committed to helping you accomplish God's will for your life.
You can count on my support.

Where does one get the heart and the power to live out such a covenant? I know of only one source - God. He is a covenant keeping God and will help you keep your covenant.

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Where Are the Cops?

2011-08-17T14:28:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

Imagine if you will, all of the major news networks announce that starting tomorrow there will be no police presence in a city, let’s say Chicago. The news report states that for the next 72 hours, no security, no officers, no squad cars, nothing will be patrolling the streets of downtown, nor will they respond to any 911 calls for help. No rules or laws will be enforced. What would happen?

We all know that absolute anarchy, chaos, and lawlessness would reign. People would be robbing, looting, even murdering if they could get away with it, and what would the public outcry be? All would be yelling, “This is crazy! Where are the police!?” Because it’s the police that are supposed to enforce and uphold the law, and if they are simply going to neglect their duty, then people will run amuck.

Sure, those that choose to break the law and do very bad things are ultimately responsible for their behaviors. What they are doing is absolutely wrong, yet you won’t hear the news anchors or analysts addressing the criminals. They won’t be saying, “Stealing is wrong, now don’t you bad guys know that you shouldn’t be doing this stuff? You’re creating problems for us and you must exercise self-control and stop being bad.” Not on your life! The fingers would all be pointed at the police, crying out for consequences to be meted out.

Now, take this concept and create an analogy by applying it to relationships. First, look at the relationship between parents and children. Parents really are in the role of the cops. It is our job as moms and dads to police our kids, as well as teach and instruct them in the “laws” of life and our homes. But if a child breaks a rule, generally there are consequences…or at least there should be! If you don’t set a curfew, if you don’t have punishment for your 16-year-old staying out all night and if you don’t enforce any limits, you will most likely have a hellion that destroys him or herself. In short, people would be looking at the situation asking, “Where are the parents? Why aren’t they enforcing the rules?“

Bring the same idea into marriage. Like it or not (and I know many don’t like it…especially women), husbands and wives are the “police” in the relationship. They set the boundaries, enforce the rules and keep anarchy from taking over. If there are never any consequences for bad behavior, no limits on what you can and can’t do, where you can and can’t go, lots of us (especially men) will run amuck, just like the bad guys in Chicago. If my wife didn’t lay down the law, I promise you I would most likely be a very bad man and destroy myself. But I’ve learned over the 38 years of our marriage that there are things I cannot do.

Yeah, yeah, it would be a lovely ideal if everyone always did what was right out of the goodness of his or her heart. But this isn’t some utopia, and we are human beings living with a sinful nature in a fallen world, so it is not the case. Sure, as Christians we act according to God’s Word, or at least we are supposed to, and that is to be our guiding force and reason to do or not do certain things. But really, more often it is the consequences of breaking the rules that keeps us in line.

In a marriage if a wife is able to stay out partying with the girls all night, come home drunk in the wee hours of the morning, or allowed by her husband to have “boyfriends”—and by that I mean guys she goes to coffee with, or has lunch and dinner with, hangs out with or spends inordinate amounts of time talking to on Facebook—and there are no limits, no lines, this woman will destroy her marriage. Indeed, she is the one committing the bad behaviors, but the husband is the one allowing it.

If a guy is looking at pornography and masturbating, totally ignoring the sexual needs of his wife, or spending 6-8 hours everyday playing video games and the woman does nothing about it, this, too, will destroy their marriage. He is behaving badly, but she is allowing it.

In marriages like these, the “cops” are absent. The “bad guys” know that there is no police presence; they know that there is no price to pay and nothing will be done about it. So they proceed to act in any variety of inappropriate and destructive ways, unless the “cop” of the house decides to show up and do something about it. They are the enforcers and need to set the boundaries, lay down the law and employ the use of penalty.

This is the point where so many people get confused as to what I mean by “drawing the lines and setting the limits”. Far too many people—especially women—think that what they should do is talk to the other person, tell them that it bothers them and they think that yammering at them will take care of it. But it doesn’t. Go back to our police story…would the cops simply tell the bad guys, “Please stop breaking into that Best Buy and stealing the big screen TVs, it makes me feel really bad and upsets me.” Good grief, NO! There are consequences. And there must be the same in marriage.

Husbands and wives are so busy pointing fingers at the other person, talking about the bad behavior, that they don’t stop to think “Hey! Where are the cops!?” Until husbands and wives are willing to step up and take their place as enforcers, mayhem and chaos will flow freely in their homes. Inappropriate interactions with the opposite sex, working excessive hours, playing video games all day and night, watching porn, cursing, even physical violence will all continue because the police simply aren’t there, and the perpetrators know it. They know that there is no price to pay and they know that they can get away with all kinds of bad behavior.

So when a woman comes to you with her sob story of how her husband is calling and sending sexy texts to another woman, or a guy complains about his wife refusing to have sex with him; when she tells you that her husband watches porn or he cries that his wife is spending untold hours with the guy from work—do not feel sorry for them. Do not simply point the finger at the bad guy…and, YES, it’s clearly bad behavior, we get that. Do something better, ask the question: What price does he/she pay? Challenge them to see that their spouse is acting badly for one reason and that is because they allow it. It’s not their fault, but they are allowing it by refusing to draw any lines or allotting any penalty.

There is a well-known quote from Edmund Burke that says: All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. And that is true in marriage too. Do nothing to stand up about the evil, wrong, and destructive behavior, and that behavior will win.

What is the Time, Mr. Wolf?

2011-08-12T12:00:00.004+08:00

From and including: Friday, 12 August 2011
To, but not including : Saturday, 12 November 2011

Not including the end date

It is 92 days from the start date to the end date

Or 3 months

92 days can be converted to one of these units:

7,948,800 seconds
132,480 minutes
2208 hours
13 weeks (rounded down)

What's the Difference?

2011-08-11T10:51:00.000+08:00

by Gary Chapman

Are there really any differences between The 5 Love Languages® and The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace?

Those familiar with The 5 Love Languages and who have found them helpful in their personal relationships may wonder if there is really any difference between The 5 Love Languages and The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. While the languages discussed in both books are the same, the application and expression of the languages in the work environment is often quite different than in personal relationships, and there are additional unique issues that need to be addressed that don't exist in personal relationships (for example, the question of the authenticity of the appreciation, or the issue of "fairness" between coworkers receiving appreciation in different ways.)

First of all, you shouldn't assume that your primary love language in personal relationships is the same as your most important language of appreciation in the workplace. We have found that sometimes individuals' primary languages are the same in both contexts. More often, people's primary language in one relational context (personal or work) is one of their top two languages in the other relational setting. For example, someone who has Quality Time as their preferred love language has a good chance of Quality Time being one of their top two languages of appreciation (about 65% of the time). However, depending on some of the issues we address in the book, a person's primary language can be quite different, depending on the relational context.

Additionally, there are some specific differences between The 5 Love Languages and The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace as they are applied to different types of relationships:

The language of Physical Touch is less important in the workplace than in personal relationships. Physical Touch is the lowest language of appreciation for most people in the workplace. This makes sense - there are more boundaries in the workplace and even appropriate physical touch is not desired by many in the workplace. But spontaneous, celebratory displays (high five's, fist bumps, a pat on the back) are quite common between coworkers and are an important part of positive work-based relationships.

Different types of Quality Time are valued in the workplace. While quality time in personal relationships is primarily expressed through focused attention, other types of time are also important in work-based relationships. These may include "hanging out" with colleagues, working on tasks together collegially, and having different types of experiences together to deepen team relationships.

When demonstrating appreciation through Acts of Service in the workplace, there are important conditions to meet for the act to be valued by the recipient. Asking if the other person wants assistance, doing the service in the way the recipient wants it done, not repeatedly "rescuing" a colleague who is underperforming, and defining how much time you have to help - all are conditions that need to be met for the service offered to be viewed positively.

Verbal praise in front of others is utilized more in workplace settings. As a love language, Words of Affirmation tend to be communicated more personally between two individuals. In work-based relationships, Words of Affirmation are often communicated in group contexts - in a team meeting, in front of customers, or at an award ceremony. Additionally, written communication through email and texting is used significantly more in work-based relationships.

The types of Tangible Gifts given differ in personal relationships and work-oriented relationships. In personal relationships, Tangible Gifts tend to be things - actual objects. And they are often given in celebration of a special occasion - birthday, anniversary, and Christmas. For people for whom Tangible Gifts is an important love language, the characteristics of the gift itself can be quite important. The gift should be special or unique, possibly symbolic of an event or related to a prior gift. And for many people, the amount spent on the gift is a significant factor.

Tangible Gifts in the workplace are less about the "thing" and more about the thought behind it - that the giver actually knows what is important or valued by the recipient, what hobbies or interests they have-and the gift reflects this knowledge. Secondly, in the workplace we find gifts are more commonly related to experiences - movie tickets, gift certificates to go out to dinner, or gift cards for shopping. Finally, one of the most common items given in the workplace is food - bringing bagels or donuts to share, buying pizza for lunch, bringing in a homemade dessert, or buying someone their favorite cup of coffee.

Just as the 5 Love Languages have been found to dramatically improve marriages and friendships, so the 5 Languages of Appreciation are showing themselves to significantly improve relationships among coworkers and help make workplace environments more positive for all who work there.

If you benefited from The 5 Love Languages, try applying the same concepts to your workplace relationships. With the help of this new book, we believe you will be able to significantly influence your workplace and make it a more enjoyable environment for everyone.

For more information, buy our new book, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People, and visit our website, www.appreciationatwork.com.

WRITTEN BY: Paul White, PhDDr. Paul White is co-author of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. He is a psychologist, author, speaker, and consultant who helps make work relationships work. For the past two decades, he has improved numerous businesses, wealthy family estates, schools, and nonprofit organizations by helping them to build healthy relationships, create positive workplace environments, and raising the level of job satisfaction for both employees and volunteers. For more information, visit DrPaulWhite.com

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Maroon 5 & Christina Aguilera - Moves Like Jagger

2011-08-09T22:41:00.002+08:00

$$$

2011-08-06T11:12:00.000+08:00

If you were thinking of giving a gift,

To help us on our way.

A gift of cash towards our house,

Would really make our day.

Love the joy of choosing gifts?

And wrapping the chosen captive?

If thoughts elude in this regard...

Money is attractive!

In lieu of gifts, a money tree will be setup at the reception entrance.

Taylor Swift - Our Song

2011-08-06T10:24:00.000+08:00

KUL - AKL : 5 August 2011

2011-08-05T11:33:00.000+08:00

April 7, 2012

MAS

Fare for 1 Adult:MYR 2891.00

Total tax:MYR 582.00

Total including tax:MYR 3473.00

Emirates (6 hour stopover)
MYR 1976.00 for 1 passenger(s)
(Fare MYR 1887.00 + Taxes MYR 89.00)

-

May 5, 2012

MAS

Fare for 1 Adult:MYR 2891.00

Total tax:MYR 582.00

Total including tax:MYR 3473.00

Emirates (6 hour stopover)
MYR 1976.00 for 1 passenger(s)
(Fare MYR 1887.00 + Taxes MYR 89.00)

Everyone Has a Big But

2011-08-05T08:56:00.000+08:00

by Mark Gungor

It’s a line from Pee-wee Herman in his movie Pee-wee’s Big Adventure… and it doesn’t mean that all of us have gigantic backsides, although it sounds pretty funny when you think of the possible double meaning! He’s trying to explain something to his friend Simone and the conversation goes like this:

Simone: I know you’re right, Pee-wee, but…
Pee-wee: But what? Everyone I know has a big “But….

This isn’t the word butt, rather b-u-t. The one small, three-letter word that has all the power to dismiss, discount and disregard everything that came before it. People can hear the truth, they can be given all the guidance, direction and wisdom that they need to live right and make the proper choices. Yet in the quick and swift utterance of this one word, believe they’ve exempted themselves and that they are not required to heed the truth. After all, their big but quickly erases everything.

Here are a few examples of what I’m talking about. A young Christian couple that I know is fornicating their little brains out, comes to me and I dispense the biblical truth that what they are doing is totally against what God says. I show them the scripture that explains fornicators will not inherit the kingdom, sexual immorality is a sin in God’s eyes, and that according to Him, sex is only to happen in the confines of marriage. Then in one fell swoop, they say it: But we don’t feel like it’s wrong.

Another guy who is a believer is committing adultery; he thinks that he’s found his real soul mate so is divorcing his wife. Again, I explain that this is absolutely contrary to what the Bible says and go through the verses just so he knows that this is God saying it, not Markie pulling it out of thin air. Then it happens again… the dude puts his big but in: But I truly believe God brought us together and wants us to be happy.

Let’s try one that is not about sexual sin. In the Gospel of Luke there is an account of a man who asked Jesus what he needed to do in order to inherit eternal life. Jesus quizzed him on what the man thought the Law said, to which the man replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself.” The guy was quoting from the Old Testament, reciting what Jesus Himself referred to as the greatest commands. Jesus told him that he was correct and continued saying, “Do this and you will live.”

Of course, the dude (like so many of us) wouldn’t take the Son of God at face value, so he proceeds to press Jesus with another question: Who is my neighbor? The Bible even says that the man did this because he wanted to justify himself. So Jesus proceeds to tell the well-known story of The Good Samaritan (see Luke 10:25-37) where a priest and a Levite—religious people—both passed by a man who had been beaten, robbed and left at the roadside to die. Finally, along comes the man who was a Samaritan (a group of people looked upon at the time as half a step below dogs). This man feels pity, stops and cares for the poor, dying guy, takes him to an inn, and even pays for all his needs and accommodations in full.

Jesus then asks the question, “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” To which the “expert” in the law, the great religious man replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus then told him, “Go and do likewise”. I wonder if he did. It’s curious to note that it was the religious people who had no mercy in the story. They couldn’t stop, they couldn’t be bothered because maybe they were on the way to a board of elders meeting and couldn’t be late. Or perhaps they had an important prayer group to get to.

Okay, a bit lengthy of an explanation to get to the big but. As Christians, we are commanded by Jesus Himself to love others…notice He didn’t say, “know this and you will live”–He said “do this and you will live.” That means we don’t just think about love, talk about love, do a bible study about love, or know in our heads about love, it means we actually have to act in love toward others. It means we must love our crazy family members, our irritating spouse, our annoying neighbors, our mean co-workers, and our demanding boss. Not to mention the single moms, those people who are poor, struggling, less fortunate, homeless, old, ill and infirm.

As Christians we sit in churches Sunday after Sunday, year after year and hear the truth of this message proclaimed and then we put our big but in: But that husband of mine is so mean and hurtful—God would never expect me to be loving to him! But my wife doesn’t give me sex enough, therefore I can watch porn and masturbate to fill my need. But my father really hurt me, so I don’t have to forgive him for what he did. But my mother-in-law is so nasty, I don’t have to invite her over for the kids’ birthdays. But that idiot at work took credit for what I did on the project—it’s okay if I spread the rumor I heard about him. But we don’t have the money to give right now because we are going to Disney on vacation. But I can’t tithe because we have too many other expenses. But I am so busy. But my schedule doesn’t allow it. But I can’t volunteer on Wednesday because that’s American Idol night and I don’t have Tivo…and the buts keep getting bigger and bigger.

Come on, at least admit that you don’t want to follow the truth, that you intentionally choose to disregard the ways of God in lieu of your own thinking. Quit making excuses and acting like your big but is the trump card to the Word of Lord God Almighty. Be honest and say that it’s just too difficult to adhere to the “greatest command” and that you aren’t interested in dying to yourself, to your sin and selfishness. Come clean and say that you aren’t really feeling this whole “pick up your cross and follow Jesus” thing. But do not say, “Ooh, I just love the Lord, but I hate my stupid husband!” Do not claim to be a person of “strong faith” and justify your lack of financial giving with, “I need a fishing boat or a new car, but God really knows my heart.”

People, listen to me: Stop dragging your big buts around! You need to get rid of them. I should put a big sign up in my church that says, “NO buts allowed!” So many Christians have these great big buts and use them as the justification or excuse to dismiss the commands of God. Seriously, you think that you will be able to wave your big buts around on judgment day? You think that God is going to stand and listen to your list of reasons why, as a believer, you discounted what He said? You are a delusional fool if you think that’s going to fly. The Bible clearly states: “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Gal 6:7) …notice, there is no but at the end of that sentence!

As people of faith it’s time for us to be serious about living out what the Bible says. NO ifs, ands, or BUTS about it!

Prayer

2011-08-01T09:57:00.000+08:00

KUL - AKL : 1 August 2011

2011-08-01T09:49:00.004+08:00

April 7, 2012

MAS

Fare for 1 Adult:MYR 2891.00

Total tax:MYR 587.00

Total including tax:MYR 3478.00

Emirates (6 hour stopover)
MYR 1976.00 for 1 passenger(s)
(Fare MYR 1887.00 + Taxes MYR 89.00)
-

May 5, 2012

MAS

Fare for 1 Adult:MYR 2891.00

Total tax:MYR 587.00

Total including tax:MYR 3478.00

Emirates (6 hour stopover)
MYR 1976.00 for 1 passenger(s)
(Fare MYR 1887.00 + Taxes MYR 89.00)

28 July 2011

2011-07-28T10:16:00.000+08:00

1.00 NZD	=	2.58000 MYR
New Zealand Dollar		Malaysian Ringgit
1 NZD = 2.58000 MYR		1 MYR = 0.387597 NZD

KUL - AKL : 27 July 2011

2011-07-27T17:16:00.000+08:00

April 7, 2012

MAS
Fare for 1 Adult:MYR 2891.00
Total tax:MYR 587.00
Total including tax: MYR 3478.00

Emirates (6 hour stopover)
(Fare MYR 1887.00 + Taxes MYR 89.00)
MYR 1976.00 for 1 passenger(s)
-

May 5, 2012

MAS
Fare for 1 Adult:MYR 2891.00
Total tax:MYR 587.00
Total including tax: MYR 3478.00

Emirates (6 hour stopover)
(Fare MYR 1887.00 + Taxes MYR 89.00)
MYR 1976.00 for 1 passenger(s)